That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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