i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
