then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
