Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
