it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
