im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
