I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
