i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
