Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
