After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
