genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
