so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
