walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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