The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
