At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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