my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
