Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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