she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
