Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
