I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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