sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
