I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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