My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
