She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
