When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
