I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
