SEEEEXXX PLEASE
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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