im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
