I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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