I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
COCAINE IS GR8
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
