Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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