i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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