ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
