i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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