dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
