i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
