Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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