I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
