it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
third nipple confirmed
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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