Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
