Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
