its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
