You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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