Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
