I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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