I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
