Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
