It's like God shit irony all over that family
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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