More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
