i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
